Gripped by Gravity

Tonight I heard the testimony of a missionary who has been working in Indonesia and head over the human needs and relief work there. He showed slides and gave very graphic information about the disaster of the tsunami which was devastating. But once the immediacy of the tsunami update was over, he began to speak of the mission work being done there, of the persecution taking place, of the churches being planted, and the many Muslims being saved. My heart melted. This morning, I preached about treasuring Christ. Tonight, I heard again and again living demonstrations of what I preached, of lives lived and deaths died for the glory of God and furthering of His kingdom. My words seem only rhetoric to the realities they face everyday. These Christians in Indonesia live heavy lives, grounded in a sense of ultimacy in everything they do. Compared to them, everything here seems to light, so easy, so transient. I don't know. I just feel that my soul has been brought low, brought in brokenness, in burdening for the peoples who have never heard, for the those who would have us Christians as their firewood. Story after story, I was paralyzed by the powerful manifestations of modern-day Pauls who "die daily" (1 Corinthians 15). The gravity of their glorious lives speak from their tombstones, many martyred, others left to themselves for survival in the mountains. I don't want my life to be flighty, to be frivolous to the sake of Christ, to be trivial to the King, to belittle His worth and greatness. I wrestle. I struggle. And yet I know that He has plans for me, and in His sovereign will, He will guide me to do that which most brings Him pleasure. O that He would be pleased to use me to speak of the glory of Christ to the savages and heathen. Jesus, I live for your smile.